


Realization

by moeblobmegane



Category: Karneval (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-20 12:52:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17622731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moeblobmegane/pseuds/moeblobmegane
Summary: It takes years, and then a single moment of epiphany





	Realization

> It takes forever. Literal years.
> 
> They have known each other for more than five years, have been living in each other’s pockets for almost as long. They have grown up together and have seen each other at their lowest and their highest. Gareki finished his studies and is now an official member of the Second Ship. Nai is still there, in the ship, and by his side, as always.
> 
> “What are you thinking?” Nai peeks at the side of his bed, eyes innocent and wide. He is taller now and looks less frail, less likely to break, but he is still smaller than any of them. He still looks at the world like an adventure. He still looks at people like every single one had good in them.
> 
> Gareki rolls over to his side and flicks him on the forehead. “Nothing,” he says. “I’m bored.”
> 
> Nai smiles and jumps down. “Wanna go shopping with me?” He offers his hand up.
> 
> “Sure,” he answers. He climbs down the bunk bed and grabs Nai’s hand as they walk out of the room. A force of habit. Years of having Nai disappear right in front of his eyes might have made him a bit paranoid, but it isn’t like his fears are unfounded. Nai has a way with trouble. It finds him and takes him away from Gareki. So holding hands became a habit, became a necessity.
> 
> Like how sharing a room is one. “Nai will be annoying if I sleep in a different room,” he’d said, when Hirato asked him if he wanted a room of his own after he officially became a Circus Combat Doctor. Hirato had smiled and nodded, and mercifully did not mention the years Nai has slept on his own while Gareki was in the Research Tower. (What Gareki thought was: “If I’m here anyway, I’d rather be in that room than have him sleep with the sheeps. He needs me.” But what he really meant was: “Sleeping alone has not been fun, and I still hear him in my dreams sometimes. I need him as much as he needs me.”)
> 
> They shop for snacks, mostly, and new clothes. He buys Nai a hat from his own salary, and feels a strange satisfaction in seeing him wear it. It feels like a lifetime ago when he bought Nai a hat the first time they met so he could hide him from the police. That hat was worn now and tattered all over, but Gareki still sees Nai use it and fix it up. (”It was Gareki’s first gift,” he’d explained when Gareki asked why he kept stitching that trash up. “It’s important to me.”)
> 
> They eat out, because they rarely has time to walk around peacefully like this. Gareki loved the ship and is eternally grateful to be part of it, but he also gets tired of being cooped up inside. Being a doctor has not made going out easy. Even if he was a “combat’ doctor, he still has to report to Akari every week and spends most of his time in the infirmary. 
> 
> Besides, it is even rare for Nai and Gareki to have free time alone together like this. Yogi and Tsukumo were both doing some surveillance and Hirato was blessedly not in the ship at the moment, so there was no one to interrupt them this time.
> 
> “And then, Jiki-chan taught me how to punch better,” Nai says, continuing on his story about his visit in the First Ship. “He said I’m getting really good at dodging!” He goes on and on about how exciting it was, and how happy he is to learn. His eyes shine with joy, and he glows with it. Seeing Nai’s happiness is like having your very own spot of sunlight, warm and comfortable and good.
> 
> “Oh?” Gareki smirks and plays absently with his straw. “At this rate, you won’t need me to protect you, huh?”
> 
> Nai freezes. He stops and stares at Gareki for a long moment, before he finally says, all soft and quiet, “It would be good if I can protect Gareki instead.”
> 
> He blushes and feels his heart stutter for a beat. It’s still embarrassing how easy he blushes around this kid. This ridiculous kid. “Don’t even try,” he says and reaches out to pinch him on the cheek. “You’re one hundred years too early to say shit like that.”
> 
> “One hundred years?!” Nai’s eyes widen and he blabbers on about how ‘that’s too long!’ and ‘I can do it!’ and ‘I really want to protect Gareki!’
> 
> They fight over it the whole time they ate, and Gareki is exhausted by the end of it. He feels like all the blood in his body was in his head, and isn’t that some kind of medical emergency? Nai is extremely bad for his health.
> 
>  
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> It takes a moment. A single moment of epiphany.
> 
> They’re preparing for sleep when he sees the diary, the one Nai kept when Gareki was away, the one that had all of Nai’s thoughts and feelings written down. It always started with ‘dear Gareki’ and ended ‘with love, Nai’.
> 
> He has not seen it in almost a year, since he last opened it after coming back permanently in the ship. He remembers locking himself up in this room and reading it the whole day, telling Nai to ‘go play with someone else’ because he was too embarrassed to read it when Nai could see his face. He remembers the overwhelming feeling of affection he felt when he finished reading it, and even more so, when he opened the door and saw Nai sleeping on the floor waiting for him. (He’d open his eyes sleepily and said, “I missed you”. Gareki had kissed the top of his head and whispered, “me too”.)
> 
> The diary doesn’t brings back emotions or anything. It does not need to. The affection is always there, always in the back of his mind and unfortunately displayed for everyone to see most of the time. The warmth and fondness is just a part of their relationship.
> 
> No, it doesn’t bring back anything. What it does, instead, is push him that one tiny step forward, to make him say what has been at the tip of his tongue for years now.
> 
> “I love you,” he says, and Nai smiles, because he knows.
> 
> “I love you, too,” Nai says, easy as that. (Because he was the simplest person Gareki has ever known, and that’s why it’s easy too, to know that this was special, that this smile was for Gareki, and this ‘love’ was the same love he felt in his heart.)
> 
> (He feels a bit stupid, to realize it this late, to know that Nai has known for years and has waited patiently for him. But that was the way it was, wasn’t it? Nai leads the way, and Gareki only had to reach out and hold his hand to follow.)


End file.
